My Inner Sun, Moon, and Leo: Critique

Hang on while I channel my inner Sun and Moon in Pisces.

Yeah, it’s my inner rising sign in Leo that’s pounding away on these Mac keys. A double Pisces and a Leo rising, I tell folk who relish astrology when I respond to the frequently asked since the sixties question “What’s your sign?”.

I want to wisecrack Budweiser or Dove but I’m pretty honest, so I meet their expectations, giving an answer they will understand. Sometimes I tell them I’m a hard-boiled egg on the outside with a Grand Marnier souffle on the inside. In other words, I look and sound tough on the outside but inside, I’m a softy, gooey and I hope, delectable mess.

Astrologers say Leo risers get lots of attention, appreciate admiration, and can resemble in appearance and personality, a lion. Those with moons in Pisces are considered to be caring, even soaking up the emotions of those around them, trying to see the best in them. With my sun in Pisces, I’m told, I should be a bit more protective of myself.

Let me candid. I’m hurting a little. Maybe smarting is the correct word, coupled with a pout.

I write. Many of my friends and associates write. Yes, we would love that every word we slapped on a screen brilliantly conveyed what we think or wanted to say. It’s not going to happen like that. In fact, like being an actor or an artist, if you are unwilling to accept criticism of your work, probably you should keep it to yourself. And that’s fine. Creating for ourselves only can be enough. We don’t have to share everything.

Last year an acquaintance asked me to write a review for a forthcoming book. Unlike another book for whom, easily, I could write a glowing review given its narrative quality, compelling story, and good writing, this was more of a challenge. I had already read several of the pages, longing to edit them, to improve them, yet not let the author lose her voice. But I was not asked to do that, just to write a review. She published the book and as far as I know, it may be receiving adequate sales.

In writing the review, I remembered her purpose in writing her story. It was to tell her story, not to win a Pulitzer or become a best seller, but to have a record of a certain segment of her life. I labored over the review, then wrote a general, kind but also accurate assessment and sent it to her. When she published the book, my review was included with others.

Recently a member of a group in which I participated published a memoir, a dazzling piece of writing about a life filled with drama, even trauma. Several chapters in, the author informs readers that she is a chronic liar.

Hmmm.

That’s quite a statement but I give lots of points for honesty. Also, I know that some memoir writers alter their stories slightly, even extensively, to create a more fascinating tale. In this case, I thought these stories were probably accurate but I’m no one to judge anyone’s stories. They are what they are. I read them, accept them as fact or not. She, too, wanted a review.

This morning I awakened to a written tirade of my review about the self-proclaimed chronic liar’s book. I had begun the review writing that the author says she is a chronic liar. I continued on saying that whether she lies or not, she has presented a compelling read. Readers will not want to put it down, I wrote. And that’s true. I didn’t stop reading the book until I hit the last word. Well done, I thought and informed potential readers of that.

Perhaps she had second thoughts about acknowledging her wiggly ways with the truth. Perhaps the stories were not true. Whichever is irrelevant. What is more relevant is the ways in which we all tell the truth, handling our honesty not damaging others.

I cringe when I hear a boastful “I tell it like it is.” Ok, so you say your version of whatever situation you are responding to. Fine. What does that get anyone beside a little air off your chest? Sometimes bosses, relatives, friends need to be given feedback in ways they will hear and act on it. Blasting them with your take on it will probably do little more than anger, hurt, and worsen the situation. Yes, they could be uncaring, incompetent, or carry other negative traits but they could be an ill-fated astrological combination.

Truth has been taking a beating in the last few years. Numerous public examples abound each day with leaders and their enablers, followed by wannabees, speaking fiction while pretending it is fact-filled. Fine if no one gets hurt but alas, we are hurt in subtle and direct ways when accuracy is absent.

I confess to having my own anguish with criticism.

I was chagrined this week when the Zoom moderator of a group informed me, in front of the whole group that muting and unmuting my system was disruptive. Aghast I had disturbed others, I felt small, stupid, embarrassed in front of this group, my first time to meet with them. I thought the moderator muting everyone meant my actions would not be heard.

Could she not have sent me a private message? Could she not have addressed everyone in a general way, letting them know that even though she muted everyone, she could hear if someone changed their button?

But she didn’t. A miniscule issue in one day of my life. I’ll get over it.

And it won’t be the last time I’ll be criticized for doing something I did unintentionally or perhaps, did by design such as construct a story in first person instead of third, or develop it as a play when it should have remained in story form. Maybe I’ll speak or write too harshly. Some other error I cannot imagine at this moment. How I wish everything I wrote or spoke was received by its audience with flowing gratefulness but it’s not going to happen.

Astrologers would say that’s the little Sun and Moon in me speaking. Leo the lion tells it as it is, big bold, direct. Whatever. I just want to tell the truth and hurt no sentient being.

Meanwhile, this Leo rising won’t be asking for much feedback about any topic. Her Sun and Moon needs to heal.